~MoO MoO~: aft i was done with the post, i realised it's called nostalgia

Tuesday, August 22, 2006
「 love was in the air, 11:50 AM 」

Been feeling weird since after Run2. Couldn't really quite figure out what was wrong till i read Yn Ay's blog. Yeah... lack of closure. I can still feel FTB in me. It's like it's not over but it's over! (Ok...sounds weird but i'm not high on vodka k? Not gonna take out some tube from my bag and start sipping. =P I'm sure u know what i mean.)

I feel, for the lack of a better word, WEIRD. I feel empty... It's like something's missing from my life. I's like i don't fit in anywhere. It's not really the people. (Hey, i'm not saying that the people are not important k? You have no clue how much i miss them all. It's just that the feeling is different even if i were to meet up with all my facilitators, SFs, helpers, org comm again.) It's not just the camp either. It's like a feeling. A "high" feel, a feeling that everything was alright and that my life is in order - No, i wun get that from vodka or sipping something from a tube that comes out of my pouch. Okay... very abstract. Quite sure some of you think i'm typing gibberish. But i really can't describe it. If u can look inside my heart/brain, then maybe you'll know what i mean.

Anyway, let's go back to talking about why i actually typed this entry. CLOSURE. Hmmm... yeah. I agree that there was a lack of closure but then again i'm not sure if i want a closure either. In fact, i don't really want it to end. There's really nothing wrong with a closure. Just that i'm insecure. I'm afraid that with a closure, i will lose all that i have gained in this summer. All the friends - my dearest facilitators - Yn Ay, Zo, Wensi, Alvin, Shah, Nat, CK and of cos all the rest of Run2, my dearest SFs - especially Esther and Jo (it doesn't take a genius to realise that Esther, Jo and I are very similar and click very well tgt yea?). I think a closure is scary. I have no clue what it will be like - whether it will do good for me cos it'll help in making me feel un-weird or it'll be bad cos i will lose all that i have gained.

Haiz... Maybe the problem is not with closure or no closure... Maybe the problem is me? Maybe i'm just too insecure? Maybe i should have joined Yn Ay and the rest of them on saturday? Oh, Whatever.

YYY